Whatsoever a man can do, yadda yadda yadda

Hey all. So here’s something that I’ve found difficult. It seems to be coming up often lately, so I figured its worth writing about. The issues of women’s equality and empowerment is one that many people play lip-service to, partly because lots of NGOs get money to do “sensitizations” on the topic, but from what I can tell, not much is sinking in. Yes, you may say that “whatsoever a man can do, a woman can also do” but do you believe it?
It’s a sticky topic to discuss, partly because of the resistance that I meet from both women and men, but also because if I get worked up then I can’t be effective any more. The last thing I need to do is mouth off about how women here are oppressed, it puts people on the defensive and isn’t helpful. In other words, I really need to control my temper. I can’t get mad just because someone isn’t living my dream.
Oddly, I meet a lot of resistance on this topic from women. Women here do ALL the housework*--cooking, sweeping, laundry, bathing the children, fetching water, plus often some small income-generating activity like selling vegetables from the garden--and quite frankly they’re PROUD of it. They keep their family fed and healthy and it’s a big point of pride for them. I’m not trying to take that away from anyone. Usually when I mention that American men cook, clean, do laundry, and take an active role in parenting, they respond by asking what I do? (usually this conversation happens when some woman is asking why I won’t marry her son/nephew/any Gambian man) Replying that I would go to the workplace and ALSO share in some of the housework, it doesn’t seem to be enough. Women are going to the workplace in increasing numbers here, and they are still responsible for the housework, and most get offended when I wonder aloud if that will change. My friend who is a teacher says that she used to teach all morning, then come home to cook lunch for her husband, then go back to work (this has changed since a second wife joined the family). The best I can say is “Yaama, that sure sounds like a lot of work.” She said that if she saw a man cooking, that she would complain that his wife was not good. Another female professional demanded that her husband hire a maid to cook and clean for them, but in no way demanded that he pitch in.
I’ve been similarly frustrated when talking to women professionals about working conditions, being a minority in the workplace, etc. I want to conduct a discussion on it in an up-coming Women’s and Girl’s Empowerment Camp, and was looking to see if people experience the same frustrations I do when working with Gambian men and balancing work and home life, and giving them a place to discuss coping strategies. I was baffled when no one mentioned any of the same frustrations. Do they not get pissed when a man talks over them? Does it not chap their ass when they are asked to do some menial task that the man is fully capable of doing himself? I don’t want to fish for these answers particularly, but I was surprised when they didn’t come up.
So how to discuss equalizing work loads without taking away someone’s pride in the job they do? Slowly slowly, Gambia. You’ll get there.
*Its important to mention that men do work too, of course. They build houses and fences. They dig wells. Men dig furrows for the rainy season crops. They slaughter animals. Its just that these jobs are seasonal, and so the Daily Working to Sitting-on-Their-Butts Ratio is a whole lot heavier on the sitting side than it is for women.