A few Anxieties, a few Celebrations

Well, I’ve been at site about three weeks(as of the writing of this article), and mostly, things are going swimmingly. There are a few things that stress me out from time to time, or just causes me to think. Overall, I think that it will all work out.

Sometimes I do just think that who I am, and the way I normally behave is very different from some Gambian cultural norms. But I’m not Gambian. I’m American, and a fairly independent one at that, and so I have had some worries about fitting into the communality of the culture here.

For example, what do I like to do on a Sunday afternoon in the States? Sit in my room by myself and read a book (yes, I’ve been told. I’m lame). But if I sit alone in my house, I get the feeling that people think I’m weird, or anti-social. Also, its hard going from being independent at home, to having a family here. I’m 25! I don’t have to tell you where I’m going! (although, really. Its safer if I DO tell someone where I’m going. God forbid if something happened, someone should know where I last was. Also, when people ask where you’re going, its just normal shooting-the-breeze conversation. Sometimes I say I’m going to the moon.)

Also I feel really really guilty every time I cook for myself. The rent I pay covers all meals with my family(and to be honest, I think my rent covers more than half of what it costs to feed all 9 of us for a month), although I always cook my own breakfast. But sometimes I don’t want to eat what has been cooked, like today when there was beef skin on the menu, and wanted to cook for myself instead. I can’t hide that I’m cooking, my gas burner sounds like a freaking jet engine, and my pots sound off like a gong every time I set them down. Sometimes I’m open to sharing, but by the time you let 8 or more people try something, there isn’t usually very much left, and that gets expensive, not to mention I’m not sure they would like much of what I would make. I know there will be a time when I will cook a whole meal for my family, just for fun, but not every time, you know?

So yeah, its my desire for alone time and independence, and the worry that I will ostracize myself that stresses me out. But not having the alone time is just as stressful. They have a saying here, “No matter how long the tree is in the river, it will never be a crocodile.” well. I’m a tree. And I’m used to being a tree. I’ll never be a crocodile. And I feel bad about it from time to time.


Some things that have gone well….

Every other night or so I go for a walk around the neighborhood and greet people. All the kids from around like to follow me. That’s right, my best friends are all between the ages 3-7, and I think that’s fine. It’s a nice routine, I walk out our door and my 4-year-old brother yells down the block “Hey! Faatu is going for a walk!” then the kids all come running and we hold hands and go. The other day though, I stopped and chatted with some ladies, and had the normal conversation, where they exclaim that I can speak Mandinka! And then they laugh at some of my pronunciations, and then ask if I’m married, and how many children I have, or want, and why not ten? We were just laughing together and it was fun. Then I lifted a baby up and my binbin showed and they all laughed hard! Like, laughing with me and not at me. It was fun.

Today, me and my small child army had a dance party, and they laughed as I tried to dance in the Mandinka style. They all have so much more rhythm than me.

And today I got it in my head that I wanted to make banana bread for my host fam, but lacking an oven, I decided to fry it. It turned out sort of like banana donuts, and for the record, banana donuts are delicious. They all liked it.

Oh, and my garden is kicking ass.

that’s all. Love to you